Dull would be nice…

So, here I am thinking what a nice, quiet evening at home.  Yes, total bliss.  No one knocking at my door, no creepy texts, just me and Game of Thrones.  Sidenote:  I can see why guys are so into this show… It’s good though and I’m addicted.  Anyhoo…

And then BLAM!   Ghost of boyfriends past come to rear their ugly head.  Of course, not the ghost that I want.

So let’s call him Jackson.  I met Jackson a few years ago before JT came about … but it was all very strange.  We met, started seeing each other.  If you want to call it that, it was more like hanging out.  At my house, only my house.  Come to think of it, I don’t think we ever went to a restaurant together unless you count picking up Papa Murphy’s pizza or Taco Bell, that one time.  So we can call it what it was, a hookup.  Strangely, he didn’t have a job because he’s a professional gambler (which I still seriously question).  He said he had a guy roommate and lived in Kirkland.  That was all I knew.  I was never invited to his place.  My friends and I all surmised that he was probably married or leading some sort of double life.  Come to think of it, I think he is the only dude that I was actively trying to cheat on (with the biggest ass of them all, NASA).  And I’m not a cheater. Also, I’ve been told that if NASA (Ian) enters Stage Left, I will be dragged back home to California.  I will be grounded to my room.  Love my bestie.  Come to find out he was into way kinky shit, like so kinky that I don’t even want to document it on the interwebs.  I never participated, or wanted to, or even thought about compromising. Total Deal Breaker.  But I know that he wanted me to.  So that was really the crux of why things ended.  Honestly, I should have RAN in the other direction.  But we finally stopped talking on NYE.  I wanted him to come over because the idea of hanging with my roommate Ruby and our other friend Ruby from knitting group (total raging party… um no) for NYE, depressed the shit out of me.  He said he had “homework.” Uh huh, right.  Dick. Move.  So I spent midnight with the two Ruby’s with one drunkenly crying and asking if I was sad that I wasn’t going to get a midnight kiss from Jackson (thanks for the reminder, twat).  Welcome to 2013.  Aside from his freaky kink, Jackson made me realize yet again, I shouldn’t sacrifice or settle for a dude, especially when it totally called ALL of my values into question.  A lesson I keep on learning in varying degrees, and then promptly forgetting when the next one comes along.  Anyhoo, Jackson led a double life, was into shit I couldn’t handle and was hardly around, so after a string of bad dates and dudes like him, I think it set me down the path of just wanting to meet someone who was nice to me and didn’t want to totally make me run screaming in the other direction.  Enter JT.  Not like it was Jackson’s fault, it wasn’t… but he did play a part in the bad string of utter dating failures.

So anyhoo, I get a message tonight saying, “long time no see, how have you been?”  I honestly had no fucking clue who it was and responded with just that.  Turns out to be Jackson, from over three years ago.  Then for just pure entertainment (boredom) and out of utter confusion, I decided to continue the conversation.  Which I will probably regret.  Not probably.  I already do.  It WAS somewhat satisfying because he apologized for pulling the classic dick move on NYE and trying to convince me to be into his kink.  He was like, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, you’re a nice girl and I liked you.”  So here I am thinking here is some closure on a weird, fucked up “relationship” … But no, he is a dude.  So no offense to my dude friends out there… but of course he had to go and fuck it up after that.  He asked if I was “still the same beer-drinking, curvy girl.”  Why yes, how did you know that’s EXACTLY how I want to be remembered?!  No. And then he felt like he should go on, maybe the air was cleared??  So no better time to ask, “so do you like to have your ass licked?”  And conversation OVER.  You’re still the same Jackson, go haunt another ex fwb.  But thanks for adding more to my weird memories of you, it’s been real.

Why can’t the guys whom you want to stay in the past, stay the fuck there?  And then the guys you want to come back from the past, don’t come and knock my door down?  Sometimes I want to throw a good old toddler tantrum because I’m not getting my way.  Meh.

Today’s lesson:  Don’t look back.  Of course, this only applies to SOME and I realize this makes me a total contradiction of myself.  I KNOW. Disclaimer:  This is not applicable to Joe, and he is excluded from this lesson…  I never said I was sane. Anyway, I just mean I can’t look back on something never missed, or something like that.  Or to narrow it down further, don’t talk to Jackson.  Or NASA.

Goodnight, beautiful.


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